So you Think You Can Camp?! - Season 4

So...Amanda and I decided we would try to get in one last camping trip before the absolute chaos of the wedding kicks in full force.  We both took a day off of work and gave it the ol' one-two.  I find this best to be told in timeline form...so here goes.

Friday
8:00 am - Take Landon to the Vet to get his butt-sack things released to prevent him scooting on the carpet.
8:07 am - Holy cow, that was quick.  Heading home.
8:25 am - Load car (forget a few essentials...more on this later).
9:00 am - Leave for Payson (We actually went to Forest Lakes though).
9:10 am - Realize that gas for the car would help us get there.  Stop for gas and pick up foodz.
11:30 am - Arrive in Payson, stop for firewood and ice...proceed to Forest Lakes
1:00 pm - Arrive at Knoll Lake Campground.  Spot 33 is taken.  Amanda is heartbroken.  Settle for "lucky number 13."
2:30 pm - Tent is up.  Shower is up.  Campsite is officially a go.
2:35 pm - Meet campsite host on the way to go fishing.  Leave Amanda and kids in the car since transactions with hosts are generally spoken in caveman.  "I stay two night...how much want?"  "Two night fourteen bones.  Wood six bones.  You need?"  Walk in on host telling story about "scar" on neck (by scar I mean once gaping wound/second smile) that goes from just under one ear all the way to the middle of his jaw on the other side.  Notice host is wearing pants made of some sort of animal hide...later find out he made them himself.  Listen to story about how bear tried to eat host.  Host KILLED THE BEAR...no gun...just killed it.  Notice necklace of bear teeth/claws around host's neck (you'd think he'd want the teeth a little further away).  While listening to story, notice various things like fossils, animal jaw bones, and animal skins.  Camper asks host if he sees many bears around the campground.  Host replies "Nah, they don't like to pay."
2:45 pm - Host finishes conversation with other camper.  Realizes I wasn't with other camper.  "My friends call me Mountain Eddie...I don't know why" (I do, you freaking whackjob).
2:55 pm - Back in car.  Explain last 20 minutes to future spouse en route to lake.
3:00 pm - Holy crap, the lake is closer than we thought.
4:00 pm - Not even a freaking bite.  Decide we will come back tomorrow with corn because "They'll bite corn...if they're bitin' corn."  Really?!  No kidding!  Sometimes I go pee if I'm going pee...imagine how that works.  Let me add a sidenote here...trout bait SUCKS.  Imagine Play-Doh that smells like your butt and will not come off your fingers.  Of course this is figured out AFTER we've stuck our fingers in.  We mold this stuff onto our hooks and cast...we come back with nothing EVERY TIME.  Screw trout bait.
4:05 pm - Back at the campsite.  Start fire for dinner.
4:45 pm - Cook steaks and potato pockets on fire.  Steaks were REALLY good.  Bug landed in Amanda's potato pocket...we shared the remainder of mine.
5:30 pm - Look around for more firewood.  Find HUGE log, only slightly rotten.  Should burn well.  Get out bow saw and start sawing away.
6:15 pm - Are you freaking kidding me?!  Sawing sucks.  I'm not even halfway through this thing.
6:20 pm - No measuring device packed.  Time to eyeball it.  From one side of the fire ring to the other is length of bonesaw plus length of axe head.  Log is a little bit longer than that, but only due to some small pieces where it broke unevenly.  Remove said pieces with axe.  Length of log now equals width of fire ring: one axe head plus one bowsaw.  PERFECT!  Throw log on fire...[see illustration]

6:45 pm - Try to fit a square in a round hole...while square and hole are both on fire.  Hack away at corners of square to make it bloody fit.  Mental note: when measuring three dimensional objects, do not only measure in one dimension.
7:30 pm - Amanda finally stops laughing.  Decides it is time for s'mores.  Mmmmmm...smores.
8:00 pm - Enjoy fire and talk.  Go to bed after a bit, dunno what time.

Saturday (note that Saturday times are really vague...we had no clock)
10:00 am - Wake up and get fire started.  It was a little chilly last night.  Lucy turned into a popsicle.
10:30 am - Realize we didn't pack eggs.  Make our "skillet" with potatoes and ground sausage.  Forget to add jalapeños.
11:30 am - Time to go fishing.  Dogs were heathens first time.  Leave them at camp.  Remembered the corn.
12:00 am - Amanda: "Y'know this is the best, most successful camping trip we've had so far.  There's been no rain, no snow...haven't caught anything yet, but so far it's been great." (Mark these words...as you read on, come back to them several times)
12:30 pm - Amanda: "I'm starting to get a little pink."  Me: "Did we bring sunscreen...?" (answer is "no")
1:30 pm - Still haven't caught any fish.  Mental note: Look up how the hell to fish trout...do not listen to other fishermen.  Take "Lobster-Red Amanda" back to campsite.
1:35 pm - "Is that a blow-up doll?"  Realize that answer is "yes."  Slap palm on head as we realize blow-up doll is now inhabiting campsite 12 along with an older guy and a young-to-mid 20's college-type guy.  Host is nowhere to be found.
1:45 pm - Eat lunch.  Turkey sammiches.
3:00 pm - Original jackasses in site 12 joined by three more jackasses.  New jackasses bring bongo and crappy music.
3:45 pm - Realize that bongo jackass couldn't hold a beat if he had a Metronome in his hand.  Also realize that multiple males in jackass party have laughs that make me want to slit my wrists.  Lucky me...I forgot my survival knife.
4:30 pm - Jackasses leave to go somewhere.  Blow-up doll was left.
4:45 pm - Take showers while jackasses are gone.  If 5 guys go in the woods and bring a blow-up doll, you know a little skin from a REAL woman like Amanda would just be asking for trouble.  Don't wanna take our chances.  This is the first time using the shower-tent thing...results: works freaking great.
6:30 pm - Dinner time.  Bleu Cheese Burgers and Grilled Corn
7:00 pm - Jackasses decide to throw fireworks and 12-GAUGE SHOTGUN SHELLS into their 6-foot fire.  Jackasses do not break up huge log, but rather drag a 6-foot fallen tree and lay over fire-pit (this is actually illegal).  Host is nowhere to be found.  Spend the remainder of the evening consolling our scared-to-death Landon.  Jackasses seem to think it's funny.
9:oo pm - Jackasses turn off loud music.  We decide to turn in for the night.  "We can deal with their laughter and voices" (no we can't).
10:00 pm - Finally fall asleep.  Fireworks/shotgun shells have stopped going off.  Some of jackasses go to sleep.
10:29 pm - Leave tent with axe in hand.  Kill jackasses, chop them to pieces, and throw in fire.
10:30 pm - Wake up from really good dream to realize jackasses are still alive...and the music has come back...so has the bongo.
11:00 pm - ***BANG!***  Landon goes nuts inside the tent, frightened to death.
11:01 pm - Pants on: check.  Trusty axe in hand: check.  Balls grown to the size of watermelons: check.  Really pissed off: check
11:02 pm - Arrive at jackass encampment.  "Look, it's an hour past f***ing noise violation and you guys are still being loud and obnoxious.  It's time to knock it off.  Your g** d*** fireworks are spooking my dogs and I'm getting pissed.  I know you're trying to have a party, but it's time to knock it off."
11:03 pm - Jackasses apologize, turn off music, and quite it down considerably.
11:15 pm - Jackasses are too quite.  They have to be up to something.  Quietly slip into "night camo" pants (black, and shades of gray) and pure black hoodie.  Sneak out of tent, armed with axe.
11:25 pm - Sneak through woods in pitch black, scouting the jackass camp to make sure they aren't up to anything.  Old man went to sleep before nine.  That leaves four to account for.  1 sleeping by fire.  One having smoke on other side of camp.  2 are "making s'mores" but have no graham crackers, so they are sandwhiching the still-flaming marshmallows between chocolate bars.  Being a ninja is fun.
11:59 pm - Realize the full extent of idiocy contained in the jackasses...they are too stupid to be of any harm.  Head back to camp and sneak back in tent.

Sunday
12:00 am (midnight) - Pass out.
6:30 am - SERIOUSLY!?!?  The f***ing fireworks AGAIN?!
7:00 am - Get fire going.
7:15 am - Group consensus:  Skip breakfast, breakdown camp and get away from the jackasses.  We can eat at Taco Bell on the way out.
10:00 am - Fully packed.  Leave camp and flip-off jackasses as we drive off.  We're heading home
10:45 am - Lid comes off of one of our storage containers located in the roof rack.  Lid forces its way through the bungee spiderweb thing we bought and flies over a cliff.
10:46 am - Pull over and rearrange stuff on roof rack, putting container with no lid in car.
11:00 am - Driving through mountains.  Speed limit is 65, I'm going 72ish.  Pass car going 60ish.  Large, lift-kitted truck comes out of nowhere going about 90, comes within 2 feet of my bumper while flashing the 82 different lights on his truck at me.
11:01 am - Finish passing car and pull into right-hand lane.  Roll down window and flip guy the bird.  Glare at him as he flies past.  Watch as he continues to drive like a jackass, nearly running every person he passes off the road.  What am I a jackass magnet?  Get yelled at by Amanda
12:00 - Home...sweet...home

Sidenote: I smelled like sausages in the shower before I washed, but after I got wet.

Hug something.

It is absolutely heartbreaking the things people do to animals.  We were at Kohl's tonight to return a pair of shoes that we had purchased on super mega sale, and because I had my foot doctor appointment today, and am still in the brace, and can never wear cute shoes again, I had to say goodbye.  Well, anyway, when we were pulling out of the parking lot, I saw an animal run across it.  Me being the super animal freak that I am, was like "OMG!  STOP!  AN ANIMAL!  WE MUST SAVE IT!"  So Jason, as per usual, humored me, and drove towards it... until we saw it was actually injured.  It was a small black cat (my cat weakness) and it literally looked like someone ripped half it's tail off.  :(  It was pink, and shiny, and fresh.  We tried to catch it, but after about 10 minutes of chasing it in the105 º darkness, and it running away, to go to the Petsmart catty corner from where we were (completely forgetting there is a Petco in the same parking lot.  We rush to Petsmart to frantically ask if they know of someone, anyone, who can help us.  The cat shelter is there, and they are "closed" minus the lady sitting there reading a book.  She hands us a pamphlet, and tells us that the Humane Society works out of the Petco across the street (thanks, where were you 5 minutes ago?)  So we head back across the street.  Consensus:  We need to catch it before we call one of the 8 million numbers.  We try to catch it some more.  It's limping as well.  Jason says he will try to catch it, and I go to Petco, who is even less helpful, especially considering that the Humane Society isn't even working out of there anymore.  Frustrating.  Basically, it is up to us to save this thing.  Good luck and a nice shove out the door.  More frustration.  Attempt, for the next 30 minutes to catch this thing, hopping from car to car, looking creepy, me in all black and limping around, and Jason... being... Jason.  Heh.  No luck.  Gave up.  Unless the thing walked into our lap, there was no way we could catch him, or help him.  Ugh.  I just hate what people do to animals, with no thought or consideration to them.  It kills me... kills me like I want to kill them.  SO MUCH.  I hate people more than I could ever imagine sometimes.

A three part series.

Since I can't seem to get my act together, I guess I will just post bits and pieces as they come along:

Blah blah blah, I know neither one of us hasn’t written in forever, but we have been super busy, and / or super lazy depending on what day it is.  (*cough* and Jason never feels the need to update anyone on anything *cough*)

Anyway, Saturday, we had tons to do, guess what? None of it got done.  We were planning on building a step for Landon so that we could let the dogs use the doggie doors again.  Well the screws we bought work for one part, but not the other.  Super.  Jason is currently out buying longer screws for support.  We also bought a shelf-stand-organizer-storage-thing for our beverage fridge.  Now we can store more crap!  Too bad its ½ inch too short to fit our fridge, so we have to build an “extension” as we’re calling it.    Yay!  We also bough stuff to put more shelves in our laundry room, so that my habit of buying in bulk when I can save money, will no longer continue to clutter our house.  However, the shelves were too short, so we will use them on another project, and have to buy more tomorrow.  Ho-hum.

In Amanda news:
I’m dying.  No really, I feel like it.  I got a second run of blood tests to check out some wacky results, and the results were still wacky.  My doctor is guessing there is a growth on my pituitary gland, and she ordered an MRI of my brain.  Well, since my insurance is so super duper, they denied it and I don’t know when or if it will ever happen.  However, since mid-July, I have also been having massive headaches, which I never used to have.  Don’t really know if it’s related or not, because they are generally in the front/facial area of my head, and I’m pretty sure that the pituitary gland is towards the back, just kind of scary (and annoying.)  She also found that I have severe inflammation “somewhere” in my body.  The test she ran I guess, from what I understood runs on a specific scale, if your levels are between 2-3 you are at risk for coronary problems, mine was between 8 and 9 which means there is severe inflammation somewhere, they just don’t know where.  She’s told me to go to a rheumatoid specialist for that, which I haven’t done yet.  I also went to see her because my foot had been hurting.  It really started killing me on Memorial Day.  I worked that day, but was on my feet a ton more than normal, so I let it go for a few days, and told her at a normal appointment I had.  I had it x-rayed that following Friday to check for heel spurs with no luck.  Well, now it’s been two months, and she referred me to a podiatrist.  Well, he said the x-rays they took weren’t showing everything they should because they had me sit down.  He redid the x-rays with me bearing weight on them, and poked and prodded a bit.  Well turns out, just like everything else in my life, my foot issues were a domino effect.  Started out I have plantar fascia, when that got to me, I walked different and caused a contusion on my heel, which later developed into a hairline fracture, and when that got to me, I started walking different and messed up the tendon that goes from my ankle to my foot, because its rubbing up against bone that fused, and got irritated, and voila!  I am now in a boot that goes up to my knee for at least two weeks to hopefully correct the heel and ankle problem, and if all goes well with that, then we will start attacking the plantar fascia.  Super.  Well like that wasn’t bad enough, on Thursday, the day after I got the boot, some “wonderful” person decided to use the shredder that is across from my desk, while I was on the phone, and since we got a talk about how we have to be nice to everyone, because “someone” (who happens to be this particular person) felt that they were treated worse than everyone else, I just decided to move to a new phone rather than deal with drama.  Turns out, that was a bad idea.  I walked to the vault, and WHAM, the boot slid out from under me, and I went into the splits on the tile floor, with my other leg folding behind me.  One person saw it, and I thought they were going to have a heart attack, and I just started bawling, not because I hurt anything, but because I was just so frustrated.  He called someone else in, which just made me feel more stupid, and they were both asking if I was ok, but I just tried to focus on not crying, and getting back to my phone call.  Turns out, when the guy who made this all possible left, he called me a gimp, and I had just snapped.  I spent the next two hours in and out of meetings with supervisors and managers, because I was so pissed.  It didn’t really do much, as all I got was an apology and an “I heard someone else say it, so I thought it was ok” out of it.  Meh.

To wrap up my exciting week, I got jalapeño juice in my eye (even though I’ve washed my hands twice after cutting them, and it huuuuurts, they were red, and now so is my eye.)

More, coming up!

I know, I know.

I had a looong post started about whats been going on, but as of tonight, I wish that we had eloped long ago, and told everyone a long time later.  Nothing makes me want that more than the bullshit drama that went on tonight.  (And no, actually it didn't involve Jason and me directly, it's those around us...we're still great.)

Bleh.  Maybe later, when I'm a little less pissed off.