Two Years.

I can’t believe you are already two years old.

It’s hard to even wrap my mind around the fact that two years and a day ago I wasn’t a parent.  I wasn’t who I am today.  So many changes have happened in our lives in what seems like such a short amount of time.  Recently I found this snippet, and while it doesn’t all apply to ‘us’, most of it does, and it always warms my heart to read it:

I felt you. You were a pea. Then a lemon. Then an eggplant. I followed advice. I read twelve books. I quit coffee. Could you tell I was scared? I talked to you, sang to you... I wasn't ready. But then you were here. Ten toes. Eight pounds. Love. Big fat love. I held you. I fed you. I realized that I would spend my life doing things to make you happy -- and that that would make me happy. And then there are the times I want to give up. You've made me rethink my sanity. You've made me want to fall on my mother's feet and tell her that I get it. But then you smile and you say my name -- and you grab my hand with those little fingers. We're growing together. We are seeing the world like it's new. I will open my heart and love will rain down all over you. You'll giggle, and I'll do it all over again. And we will walk hand in hand. Until you let go. I made you, but you made me a mother."

- Unknown

I feel like you have grown up so much since the last time I wrote.  Some things are still the same.  You still love your sister with all your heart.  Even when she has your toys, she is your favorite person in the entire world.  You two share these magical giggles that is almost like your own secret little language.  No one can make either of you laugh as hard, or genuinely as each other.  I love it.  You love taking care of your sister too.  If she has fallen asleep on the floor, you will put a blanket, or anything close to resembling one, over her.  If you find her binky, regardless if she needs it or not, you will bring it to her, and try to give it to her.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.  If she is crying, and you can see that I am stressing over it, you will try to comfort her.  Throughout the day, you give her more hugs and kisses than your father and I get on any given day in the week.

Size wise, you don’t seem much different to me, but according to your doctor, you have grown, so I guess I have to believe them.  You are still very petite and slender.  You and your sister are about the same weight.  You have dirty blonde hair that is getting longer—another thing I don’t notice really, until I look at pictures of you a year, or a month ago, and wonder when it all grew to be so long.  The ends have started to curl up, and leave you with precious little ringlets.  I love them.  I fear that they won’t last much longer than your “baby” stage in life, but I can hope.  Your hair, much like you, is a force to be reckoned with.  You hate it being brushed, and you hate it being put up into any sort of pony tail, but you also hate it being in your eyes, and you are always brushing it away.  Your hands are always in your hair, and your hair is always a mess.  There isn’t much I can do about it, so I just let it go for now.  Your eyes are still big and beautiful, but they are changing.  They are no longer blue.  There are starting to be little flecks of some other color.  I can’t quite tell if it is green or brown, and only time will tell.

You have (mostly) graduated from your highchair when we go out to eat.  For a few short months, you allowed us to use a booster seat with you, but now you refuse.  You don’t care if sitting in a regular chair means that your nose can barely rest on the table top, you want to be a big girl!  Most the time you stay seated, and are pretty well behaved.  You’re still trying to master eating with silverware, so it’s still a mess, but even a highchair couldn’t fix that.

The places that we frequent for dinner often always remember you.  When we go to Chili’s we have a waitress that we request every time.  She has literally watched you grow up.  She is one of the reasons that you started to finally chill out at night when you were a few months old because she suggested a remedy that seemed to work.  You sometimes get toted around the restaurant, and sometimes taken near the kitchen, so you can be shown off.  You love the attention.  Another place we go, Daddy always takes you to the counter to pay.  You stand on his knee, and hand them the bill and credit card.  Once the receipt is printed, Daddy fills it out, and then you sign it, and hand it back to them.  When we leave, you say (scream) goodbye to everyone and wave.  We didn’t know that they even remembered you until we were getting ready to leave, and overheard one of them say, “Watch this, this little girl pays the bill every time, it’s so cute!” Everyone loves you. 

You are tough as nails.  You fall down, you get back up and brush it off, if you can even be bothered to do that much, and just keep on going.  You only really cry when you don’t get something you want, or you get in trouble.  Usually a lot of high-pitched screaming is also involved.  No one likes that.  Unfortunately, you seem to have inhabited your parent’s klutziness.  I’m hoping that a lot of it is still you getting to know your body.  You love to run, and dance, and jump.  Well, kind of jump.  It’s more of a hop if you’re on your own, or you really nail it when you get to hold on to something.  You love to be thrown around, and rough house with us.  You love to go to the park, and climb on all the equipment, but you seem very hesitant to go down the slides.  You love the swings though.  When you see them all we hear is shrill screams of joy, “Wings!  Wings!”

Your vocabulary has expanded a lot.  You can now form sentences, and sing songs.  I could go on for hours with all the cute things you say now.  It seems like writing them out, loses a lot of the cute though because I just can’t get the same effect of when the words actually come out of your mouth.  You have turned out to be amazingly polite and giving.  You know ‘thank you’, and ‘you’re welcome’, and sometimes you even say ‘please’.  We’re still working on ‘you’re welcome’ a little bit because sometimes you say it before you say ‘thank you’, when you’re not the person that is supposed to be saying it, or you say, ‘I ‘melcome.’  If someone sneezes (or coughs, or makes any noise, really) you always say ‘bless you!’  Sometimes you will even check to see if they are ok.  Such a sweet girl.

We recently started taking you to baby story time at the library.  You love it.  It is only half an hour, but a few stories are read, and songs are sung.  Afterwards, you get to color and play with sensory items.  You aren’t super social yet, but you really seem to enjoy it, even if we don’t know any of the songs, or the people there.

Today we had your birthday party.  It wasn’t anything big, just a few friends, and a few family members.  You wanted Tinker Bell, so that was the theme.  I worked for a few days to make you Tinker Bell, and you loved it.  I made you a little green dress, and very glittery tutu that you strutted around in.  There was glitter everywhere.  You were the most perfect little birthday princess.  I think really enjoyed yourself this year.  You were so sweet when opening your presents.  Most were in gift bags, so you would take out the tissue paper, and hand a piece to everyone around, telling them “thank you” every time you did.  It took you forever to open your presents, because every time you took one thing out of the bag, that was it, you wanted to play with that thing right then, but there were more presents, so we had to keep taking things away from you, and show you that there were more!  We did cupcakes this year, instead of a cake for you.  I think that was better.  It was a lot less messy, but you still ended up in the bathtub after.  We had been practicing singing ‘Happy Birthday’ for a week or two before your birthday, but you seemed unfazed when it was sang to you.  When we went to dinner, a while later, we had them sing to you then, too, and you didn’t seem to enjoy it then either… but you still love singing the song.

I love you my messy-haired little girl.  I can’t wait to see where the next year brings us.

Love,

Momma

Nineteen Months.

Wow.  So much has changed in the last seven months.  SO MUCH.

You are my little ray of sunshine.  Most mornings (at least the ones where you end up in our bed at some point during the night), you wake up and pleasantly say, “HI!” to anyone in the room.  Sometimes if we are super sleepy, and you are not, you will crawl out of the bed, ever so quietly, and then start playing with the cabinets very loudly; to make sure we are awake right along with you.  You eat breakfast, usually on your own, and I am convinced it is your favorite meal of the day.  Rarely do you throw any of your breakfast to the ground, and usually you eat every bite, which is uncommon for other meals.  The rest of your day usually consists of singing, dancing, and taking care of all of your babies.  You are such a good momma to them.  You are always so excited when Daddy gets home; I’m not sure who is more thrilled to see who, you or him.  Your days are always filled with hugs, kisses, and laughter.

In July, your little sister, Harper, was born.  You are so in love with her, and are such a great big sister.  You always want to hold her, and love on her.  You make sure you kiss her goodnight, every night, even if the rest of us don’t get any love from you.  You were excited when I was pregnant with her, but I was really nervous about when she was actually here, but you do great.  Your reaction when you first met her was priceless; your face has never been so filled with happiness.  You always want to know what’s going on with her, and even in your young age, you can’t quite “defend” her yet, but you keep a watchful eye if someone other than momma or daddy is holding her.  You love to cuddle with her on the floor, try to rock her in the swing, try to share your food with her, and give her her binky.  Even if she already has a binky, you will take hers away, just to give it back to her.  I hope this continues in your life.  Since she is now smiling and gurgling back at you, it’s easy to see how much joy you bring each other.  You really haven’t shown many signs of jealousy.  Impatience, yes, but not jealousy.  I expect you to be impatient at your age.

You definitely march to the beat of your own drum.  If there isn’t music on that you’re dancing to, sometimes you will just bust out in your own little dance routine.  I honestly don’t know where you picked that up from, because you are a much better dancer than your parents, combined.  You also love to sing.  Your current favorite song is, “I Love!” by, none other than you.  You just belt out “I love” repeatedly, but it more sounds like, “I lub” and it’s pretty adorable.  I hear it several times a day.  Sometimes it’s to me, sometimes it’s for your babies, and sometimes it’s just to whoever is within earshot.  You also love “Skidamarinky dinkydink.”  I’m not sure if you enjoy that one because Daddy has a funny dance and hand gestures that goes along with it, or if you just like the song because it’s a little silly.  You will often do some of the gestures along with us, and sometimes you will just sing your favorite part (I lub boo!)

Your vocabulary has grown.  A lot.  Some for the better, some for the worse.  You were playing with a balloon a few weeks back, and it popped.  I was a little scared because, hey, I am a little freaked when a balloon pops, and you were holding it.  It didn’t faze you, but you did say, “Oh, shit!”  Whoops!  On a different occasion, I dropped something on the kitchen floor that would stain the carpet (carpet in the kitchen?  I know!), and said shit, and then I heard my little echo in the other room say it about 20 more times.  We really need to start watching ourselves.  You love to say your sister’s name (Parper, or Harpah), please (cheese), Bubba (the nickname for the dog), and when we took you to the zoo, you repeated a LOT of the names of the animals back to us.  The most exciting words that you are learning right now are pee pee and poo poo.  You are starting to get the concept of what they are, which means potty training is on the way!  Yay!  Just this morning, you had a dirty diaper, and I changed it, and put you in your crib so that I could clean up, and you semi-squatted, and pointed to your diaper, and said, “Poo!  Poo!”  I asked you if you poo poo’ed again, and you kept doing it, and pointing, so I checked you out, but you hadn’t done anything…  I really do think you’re starting to understand it though.  You still won’t say it before we check you though… even that would be a big help.  Oh well, progress is progress.

Last week we took you to your first pumpkin patch.  You didn’t sleep well the night before, so we were ALL a little cranky that day.  They had some horses that could be ridden (both real and fake) and you didn’t like either one of them.  We took you inside a “museum” that they had set up, which was full of bugs on display, and some corn and pumpkin information too.  You didn’t really enjoy that either, until we got to the kiddie pool full of dried corn.  You loved that, and were a little mad once we took you out of it, and it stuck the rest of the day.  Finally, we took you to the pumpkin patch.  A real pumpkin patch where they grow pumpkins, and not just a dirt field, where they place pumpkins for you to pick out, don’t let anyone fool you on that.  Once we got off the hay wagon, there was a small pile of pumpkins that we set you on to take a picture, one of our friends was there, and handed you a small, completely not ripe, bright green pumpkin to hold.  That was your pumpkin.  We could not get you to set it down the entire time, you were in such awe of your pumpkin, and I was so glad that we got to take you there.  Your reaction to picking out your own, even though it wasn’t even ready to be picked, gave me such joy, especially when I saw your happy and amazed little smile that went with it every time you looked at it.  That evening we took you to the kiddie park for their Spook-a-rama.  We dressed you up as a little witch (the cutest witch ever by the way) but they were so crowded, and we were all so tired, so we walked around, rode the train around the park, which is the only ride you like, and headed home.

We also took you to the zoo that weekend.  It was your third time, and by far our best trip yet.  We went on a semi-cold, semi-rainy, Monday.  Let me tell you, that is the BEST day to go.  The place was not crowded at all, it stopped raining (minus a few sprinkles), and although it was cold at the start, we were all bundled up nicely, and it warmed up throughout the day.  You were so bright, and I could tell that you were absorbing everything we saw.  You repeated back a LOT of the animals we told you about, and many animals reacted to you.  The first thing we went to see was the gorillas.  They were acting goofy; like they have every other time we’ve been there, but this time you were standing at the window, watching when one came up, and gave you a kiss.  It kind of freaked you out, and you were a little upset, but at the end of the day, we had you next to the glass at the grizzly bear encounter, and he swatted at the glass, muddy paw and all, you didn’t seem bothered.  We will have to teach you a little bit better on that one.  During our lunch, we had a few bright visitors come by.  At first, you didn’t notice the peacocks hop into the pavilion, but then they went after food that someone else had left behind, and they started making noise, and you were tickled.  They hung around for about 30 minutes since daddy kept throwing them pieces of bread and cheese, and you loved every minute of it, they were anywhere from 1 foot to 5 feet away at all times.  Once they started clucking (or whatever noises they make that isn’t their loud call) you were even more thrilled.  That may have been the best part of the zoo for you.  We took you to the children’s zoo within the main zoo because last time we missed the petting zoo by about 3 minutes, so I wanted to make sure that we got in this time.  I thought you would really enjoy it, but you weren’t too impressed.  You pet a sheep, and that was that, you just kind of stood in the middle of the place, like, “What now?”  You enjoyed some other sheep, which you couldn’t pet, that we passed by because they were talking to you, and every time they would bleat, you would clap and giggle.  It was a good day.

Your mouth is full of little teeth.  Six on top, five on bottom (almost six though!)  You can feed yourself for the most part, although we are working on making it a little less messy.  Sometimes you get carried away with your fork, and I think you imagine it to be a magic wand with how you fling it around.  For some reason, every time you have a cup, you think it needs to be turned completely upside down, so we’re still trying to master the whole drinking on our own thing.  If the cup is a sippy cup, we are good, if it’s anything else, even with a lid and a straw, it’s a disaster.  You are good at brushing your teeth.  Daddy is trying to teach you how to spit, but so far, it hasn’t been successful.  You are trying though, so I have to give you credit.

I am so excited to see what the latter half of your year brings, but I am saddened because you are growing up so much already.  We rarely have our morning cuddles anymore, and you are little Miss. Independent with most things.  While I do look forward to doing things with you like little projects, crafts, and making things, I miss my baby, who needed me for everything.  Even the fact that you can now pull up your own pants, makes me a little sad, it’s just one less thing you need me for.  We have started to have wonderful moments together, like sharing Necco wafers, which I wouldn’t trade for the world.  I just wish I could have the best of both sides of the spectrum.  I love you, and as always, I am excited to see you grow!

Love,

Momma

One Year.

One whole year.  Where to even begin?  I don’t even know where the time went.  You are still my tiny little baby every time I look at you, yet, when I look back on pictures, you are not the same baby you were a year ago.  I am not the same person I was a year ago.  Sure, I’m sleep deprived, I don’t really have time for hobbies, or myself most of the time, and everything is messy, but I couldn't  and wouldn't trade it for the world, my world, you.

It seems like so much has happened, it’s hard to reflect on the last year.  Two weeks ago I quit my job.  Everyone was sick so often that it literally made no sense for me to work anymore because daycare was getting more money than I was being paid.  I can’t really say that it hurt me at all.  I get to spend my days with you now, and I don’t have to feel like I am letting daycare see all your firsts.  I also don’t have to sit and wonder who is taking care of you, and are they really doing the best job possible?  Not that I had any reason to doubt them, it’s just a thing a mother wonders… constantly, with everyone.  I only worked 6 ½ months, but it seemed like an eternity not being with you all the time.  I am so glad that we get these last few months together before the new baby comes, and life will be shared. 

I really don’t think you will mind the new baby.  You seem to love everyone (for the most part).  I can undoubtedly say that you love all children and babies.  Even when one is crying on TV, you try to hand them a pacifier to comfort them.  You are such a sweet girl.  Your last day at daycare was hard on everyone.  The daycare staff cried, they all said you were one of their favorites.  I’m sure they tell all parents that, but I somehow believe that it’s actually true.  You rarely cry, you are a joy to be around, you are so easy to please, and the only things you make remotely difficult are changing you, because you want to wiggle all around, and putting you in your car seat.  It was hard on me because they made you a goodbye card, and I’m emotional enough as it is being pregnant, so I just started bawling.  I worry that this is the wrong decision for only one reason: your friends.  You truly did have friends at daycare, and I worry, especially since you love children of all ages, that you will be lonely, and get bored with just me being around.  I have looked, and have yet to find any sort of mothers group around here, so I may need to expand my horizons to further away to see if there are any groups out there, so that we can still keep your social calendar full.  We left our phone number with your best friend’s, Lily, mother, since she had been out sick all week, so hopefully we can still keep in contact with her, and you two can remain friends.

Since daycare was closed on Good Friday, we took the opportunity to take you back to the Zoo, since Momma and Dada were off too!  Dada really wanted to take you back since you slept through your first trip, and half the exhibits were closed.  You really enjoyed it this time.  You stayed awake the entire time we were there, and we thought you may pass out on us around 2, but I think you just needed a little break from seeing so many things, because once we rested you were rearing to go again.  That was almost a full seven straight hours of action for you, and you didn't cry or get fussy once.  Maybe we were finally on top of our game with feeding and changing you, but I doubt it.  You were super good,  I was very proud.  I barely lasted that long, and I’m pretty sure I insisted on more breaks than anyone combined.  You loved seeing all the animals, but they were all pretty much just “dogs” to you.  Every time we’d see a new one, you’d point and say, “DOG!” very excitedly.  Once we got to the birds, some of them were ducks, but some were dogs too.  You will learn.  Some of the animals were crazy for you.  I think you liked the painted dogs, and the monkeys the best.  The monkeys always seem to put on a show for us when we are there, and they held true to that this time as well.  Afterwards we were all pretty beat.  We headed to Wal-Mart to find the perfect outfit for your birthday (Dada went a little crazy on this, and found what he wanted, but not in the right size, and we were on the hunt until we found it) ate some dinner (which you slept through) and headed home to crash.

Then we had Saturday, the 30^th.  Your first birthday.  Wow.  You came into this world at 10:34 am, screaming, and full of attitude, at 6 pounds, 9 ounces and 21 ½ inches long.  At your 1-year checkup, you weighed in at 20 pounds, 1 ounce, and 29 inches long.  My, how you've grown.  We had a lot to do that morning, since we had a few things to pick up for your birthday party, so it was a pretty crazy start to the day.  We were a little worried all morning because your birthday party was supposed to be outside, and at 6am, it started hailing.  At about 7am it was back to raining, and by 11am it was a cloudless sky.  The weather is bizarre.  I was also concerned because we had reserved a Ramada at the park from 11am to 4pm, and a week later the fire department had reserved the park for the same day from 9am to 11am for an Easter Egg hunt.  I was scared, especially with the weather, that they would not be out of our area on time, and we wouldn't have the time to decorate for your party.  We got to the park around 11:30am, and the place was cleared out, so I don’t know if they cancelled their event, or they really had their stuff together, and got out of there on time.  We started decorating, and before we knew it, we were almost out of time!  Eep!  Overall, we had a great time with family and a few friends.  We even invited your favorite teacher from daycare, who came, and loved getting to spend time with you.  Since they had moved you from her classroom 4 months ago, she has really missed you.  You didn't really care for the BBQ part of your party, probably because you didn't eat anything, but you loved playing with balloons and looking at all the decorations hanging around.  You had fun smashing your birthday cake, but you needed a little coaching, and you loved it when everyone would clap and cheer for you, and of course, you loved opening your presents.  (Who doesn't?)  Another tiring day on the books, but well worth it to see the look of happiness on your face.  

I feel like this is shorter than it needs to be.  I feel like I am missing so much, but at the same time it’s hard to write down every detail without going into the “boring” everyday things, like how many diapers you had that day, and what you ate.  You are a lovable child; I have yet to meet someone who doesn't want to be around you, I actually have people ask me to babysit you, instead of me having to go look for a babysitter, but I don’t take many people up on the offer.  You love to do so many things.  You love being outside in general, you love baths (and even showers), you love bubbles, you are starting to enjoy different foods, but yogurt hands down is your all-time favorite food, which is surprising since you haven’t been eating it that long, but If you even see a yogurt cup (meant for you or not) you go bonkers.  You are finally starting to eat some solids, but you are a little iffy on things that you have to chew, and don’t just eventually melt in your mouth.  It’s been challenging to say the least, but for the most part, you are a trooper.

Not that you are old enough to remember it, but I really hope that you have enjoyed your first year of life, as much as we've enjoyed having you as a huge part of ours.  Neither one of us knew we would be able to be so utterly and completely in love with someone so amazing.

Love you more than you will ever know.

Love,

Momma

Eleven Months

Well kid, you’re almost all grown up.  This is the last month we can say that you’re “so many months old” you’re rackin’ up your time, and pretty soon we’ll be saying, “She’s a year old,” and then two, and so on.  STOP IT.  Stop growing up on me!

 This month has been a crazy one for us.  We’ve all been sick, and currently are still sick.  Your parents were lucky enough to share bronchitis, while you had some mystery illness that left you with a fever for almost a week, with no discoverable cause.  It’s been fun, let me tell you.  We’ve had two snowstorms that have closed school for you, so you’ve officially had your first two snow days, although they weren’t closed for snow, but for the amount of ice on the roads.  This month we also took our first extended road trip, which was quite interesting. 

We had to travel to Durant, Oklahoma (which is right on the southern border of Oklahoma) for your great-granddad’s funeral, so we figured we’d just do the hop-skip-and-jump over to Dallas, since it was only an hour and a half more.  In theory it worked on the way there, but not so awesome on the way back.  On the way there, we stopped in Durant for 2 days.  We took our sweet time, took as many stops as needed, and it was only about 3-3 ½ hours.  No rush.  We stayed in a hotel the first night, and although you were fussy in the hotel at night, the car ride was smooth.  The next day we had the funeral, which was mid-day, so we packed up, headed to the funeral, hit a few bumps in the road, and ended up leaving for Dallas probably around 6ish.  This car ride was also smooth, because it’s just a little bit longer than the distance; we travel to go to Tulsa.  Our second hotel was not so awesome, but you did great in it, and slept through the night.  Too bad we had obnoxiously loud neighbors the entire night until about 4 am.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  We left the hotel around 9:30, and went shopping at a few places we don’t have in Oklahoma that we missed from Arizona, and had lunch, and were headed back on the road to home.  We couldn’t be as lax on our way back home, because I had to be to work the next day.  You did great (aka slept) for the first few hours, but you made the last few hours double, and we stopped every 20-45 minutes due to your screaming, and just wanting to be out of the car.  I get it, I totally understand, but ugh, I much rather would have had that on the way there when I had a day or two to recuperate than getting home so late on a Sunday, unloading a very unhappy you, the car, having to do laundry, and then get up and go to work the next morning.  We will work on it though.  You really didn’t care about some of the places we went, but we went to IKEA to look for dressers and you loved it there.  You loved the entire store, from the cafeteria when we had breakfast, to the children’s section.  I think it’s just the way the store was made.  You were all smiles all the time.  IKEA makes us happy too.  We ended up buying a whole lot of crap we didn’t need, and not picking up dressers because they wouldn’t fit, but we did find some nice stuff to get eventually… on our next trip to Dallas (haha.)

When I took you to the doctor earlier this week, you were 19 pounds, 7 oz.  You’re almost at the big 2-0!  I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to do at this stage, because when you hit 25 pounds, a lot will change.  We can no longer use your changing table or the changing thing on your playpen, and we can’t use your swing, and I’m sure there’s a few other things we won’t be able to use anymore, and then our world will end.  I’m not sure what will we do without you swing because honestly, we still use it when you’re being super difficult at night, or even during the day, and most of the time it works.  I suppose that’s all part of growing up. 

 You aren’t quite walking yet, but you are getting around quickly.  You’ve started standing and letting go, until you realize that you’ve let go, and then you panic and either fall, or quickly grab on to the nearest thing.  You’re close though, and that’s scary.  I’m not ready for you to be so mobile yet; you’re exhausting enough as it is.  You’ve also started eating more solid foods.  So far, it’s just puffs, and cereal like items, plus some freeze-dried yogurt bites, but you’re getting the hang of it.  I think when you get more teeth it will be a little easier for you.  You really want to try a lot of different things; your little mouth isn’t ready for it yet.  You really gave me the eyes on four different occasions, all when I was eating a pastrami sandwich, so I don’t know if it just looked good, or smelled good or what, but you looked at me like a ravenous animal, and licked your lips for each sandwich I ate.  You constantly try to grab what I’m eating, and sometimes I will give you a little taste, but it’s never been like that.  You are a silly little thing sometimes.

You are still the happiest baby I know.  Tons of things make you happy.  Seeing the dog I think tops everything.  He just exists in your presence, and your world is complete.  You still love baths, and seeing daddy pretty much every time he walks in to the room.  You even know that at night when the phone rings, he is calling for us to come get him from work, and many times, you will talk to him from across the room.  You love to run around in your walker, and it’s giving you an opportunity to bond with the dog as well.  He is getting less skittish with you, and I think that’s in part to you learning that you need to be gentle with him.  You’ve learned that if you stick your hand out, and let him come to you, he will be more patient with you, than if you were to just go up to him.  You love “group hugs”, and if it was possible for you to explode from happiness I think that being in the middle of a group hug with Momma and Daddy, or seeing the dog would do it.  You love to ride on top of Daddy’s shoulders, and you love your newfound freedom of not having to go everywhere in the car seat, because now you can (almost) fit in highchairs at restaurants, and in the carts at the grocery store.  If the weather were nicer, we would probably take you on walks outside more, because you love to ride in the stroller as well.  We still constantly hear what a pleasant and happy baby you are, and you truly are (except in the middle of the night) and I am not sure how we got so lucky to have such a delightful baby.

I love you baby girl.

Love,

Momma

Ten Months.

You are almost a year old, time is whizzing by!  I guess we need to start planning your very first birthday!  Unfortunately, for everyone this month was full of more sadness than happiness.

January 4th you, me, and both the dogs were sitting on the floor one evening.  Everything was going peachy.  You were sitting still for once, not trying to crawl around, or bang on things, and out of nowhere, one of our dogs, Lucy, was on top of you growling.  It happened in a split second.  There was no warning, no provocation, nothing that should have caused this.  Instinct kicked in.  You weren’t hysterical yet, until I stood up to get the dogs in their crates.  That’s when the screaming started.  Things were ok.  I gave you a brief look over, no blood.  Good sign.  Got the dogs in their crates.  You’re still hysterical.  You must have been screaming pretty hard, because once I picked you up, that’s when the blood started flowing.  I realized that Lucy had bit you.  In the face.  That’s when panic kicked in, and instinct was gone.  I didn’t know what to do.  You were hysterical.  I was hysterical.  I had to put you down, because when I called for the voice of reason (Dada) I couldn’t’ hear a thing he said.  It didn’t matter.  According to him, all he got out of me the first few seconds of the call was, “Oh, god, oh god…”  I don’t even remember saying them.  Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to grab your stuff, grab you, head to dad’s work, and get to the emergency room.  Since it was a dog bite, the police were called.  The emergency room took for what seemed like forever.  It was probably only 2 hours, but they were an exhausting 2 hours.  People were constantly in and out of our room.  Police.  Nurses.  Doctors.  Hospital staff.  It seemed like we saw everyone in the hospital that night.  Turned out, it wasn’t so bad.  You didn’t need stitches.  There was no real permanent damage, but there was more damage than I had originally seen.  You could tell where the top of Lucy’s mouth had punctured your skin, and where her bottom teeth had punctured it, which is the part I originally saw.  This was no accident, and Dada was hell-bent on putting Lucy to sleep the next day, which we ended up not being able to do because she was in quarantine for 10 days.

This was almost a week after.

January 7th at about 9:45 in the morning I get a call from daycare, repeatedly telling me that you’re ok, and there’s nothing to worry about because you’re ok… and, and, and…  I seriously just wanted them to spit it out because I got probably a good 3 minutes of “She’s ok but… she’s doing fine… but...  she’s ok…” and on and on.  One of the teachers at daycare wasn’t paying attention, and the other two were busy with other children and so they weren’t paying attention either, so when she opened the door, and you were in front of it… she ran over your poor little chubby hand.  They said you cried, a lot, but eventually napped after a while.  If course you did, you probably wore yourself, out.  When I got to daycare that afternoon, I was furious.  We have continually had issues with them and I cannot wait to have your little brother / sister so that I can stay home with you two, and take care of you on my terms, and not have all these issues to deal with anymore.  Your hand didn’t seem to both you too much, so it probably looked a lot worse than it was (Dada thought it may have been broken upon his first inspection) but it never seemed to stop you from getting into everything, and using it as you would have any other time.

It was actually bruised a lot worse than it looks here.
This was taken 3 days later.

January 9th was my 30th birthday.  The majority of people I know forgot it, which made a hard week, even harder.  I pretty much snapped when I got home, and started crying, and couldn’t stop.  When your dad got home, we talked more about Lucy, and your Uncle Jacob had offered to take her, so I was more than thrilled at that prospect.  Not only did we not have to put her down, but she was going to a home where she could still be a part of our lives.  Yay!

January 20th was the day that Jacob was supposed to take Lucy.  He ended up not being able to do it.  A little devastating, but we thought we had found another alternative, someone that could take her, work with her, and place her with a good family, with no children.

January 22nd you were in your walker, which is in front of the dog’s crates, out of nowhere, Lucy starts growling, and lunging at you.  This upset you, understandably.  And we realized we really needed to move on the whole rehoming Lucy thing, but we still hadn’t heard from the one person we were able to find in our area.

January 23rd we saw your doctor for you 9-month appointment.  (On time, I know, get used to doctors pushing you around, you’re at their mercy, and they can move your appointments around so far that you’re being seen at almost 10 months old for your 9-month appointment.)  You are right on course for being a healthy growing girl!  You were 19 pounds and 6 ½ ounces.  You measured in at 27 ½” (which is a little over two feet!)

Happy girl!

January 24th at 3 am you woke up for your middle-of-the-night bottle, and almost immediately, didn’t keep it down.  Some nasty bugs have been going around, so we decided to keep you home.  Dada stayed with you, and you kept that up pretty much all day.  The next day, you still hadn’t kept anything down (formula, food, or water) and you were grumpy because you were hungry, but then you’d throw it all up, and that upset you too.  So after trying to get an appointment with your doctor, and being unsuccessful, we took you to the emergency room.  We were there for three agonizing hours.  You were still hungry, and they didn’t provide us with any answers until the very end.  You didn’t have the flu, which was good, but you did have a viral infection, which they can’t give you anything for, which was awful.  They did give you a prescription for something to keep you from throwing up, and put you on a Pedialyte diet for at least a day.  You were so happy to have something in your tummy; you sucked it down every time we gave it to you.  That night, when Dada went to feed the dogs, Lucy snapped at him, and we decided, with very heavy hearts, that it was finally time to let her go.  She was getting worse.  We didn’t know why, or how, or even when it really started, but it was time to say goodbye.

Poor, sick, little ER baby.

January 26th at 8:28 am, I called the vet to make an appointment.  They could get us in at 11:30, and they would accommodate our requests for Lucy’s final moments.  Uncle Jacob came over to watch you while we took Lucy and Landon to the vet.  They got to play a little bit before we left, and then we headed out the door.  My feet felt like lead.  It hurt to even move to get to the car.  But it was something that had to be done.  She was a danger to you, and a growing danger to others around her.  We got her into the vet, and when the time came, Dada was in a lot of pain, and could barely bring himself to bring her to the room.  We had a few moments to say goodbye, and then they put her to sleep.  It was a painless thing, but incredibly painful at the same time.  Lucy felt no pain as she passed.  But we felt the world come crashing down on us.  Landon was also in the room, and he got a chance to say his goodbyes to her as well.  It has been a few rough few days, and without your smiling little face, I don’t know how any of us could have made it through this extremely difficult time.  Although she hurt you, and we love you with all our hearts, we also loved her.  We had her for over 5 years, and she was a huge part of our lives, and family.  I hope that someday you will have a pet that you love and cherish as much as we did Lucy, and do Landon, and that you can understand how much joy they bring us.

Lucy loved you, and you loved her.

January 29th, the month of terrible happenings was almost over.  We were looking for a fresh start.  Unfortunately, one more bad thing had to happen.  Your Great-Grandfather, Ray, passed away late on the 29th.  Unfortunately, you never had the chance to meet in person, but he was a wonderful man.  We all had a chance to Skype for his 90th birthday, so you did get to see him once, but you won’t remember.

Raymond Leroy Holtzen died 1/29/2013 in Marble Falls, Texas. He was born 10/7/1922 in Fairmont, Oklahoma as the youngest of 13 children of John and Margaretha Holtzen.

Raymond served proudly in World War II in Europe with the U.S. First Army Signal Corp. He met Jean Betty Duncan in England during the war and they were married by proxy 9/22/1945 and in the church on 8/9/1946.

Raymond worked as a Construction Supervisor of numerous soil conservation dams in Oklahoma.

Upon retirement Raymond and Betty moved to Lake Texoma. They were members of the Our Savior's Lutheran Church in Durant, Oklahoma,.

They enjoyed arts and crafts and traveled to many craft fairs selling their handmade wooden toys and crafts.

Raymond moved to Marble Falls, Texas in 2012 to be closer to his daughter Jeannette Wilson.

Raymond was predeceased by his wife, Betty and a son, David Lee Holtzen.

He is survived by a daughter, Jeannette H. Wilson and her husband, Jim of Marble Falls, Texas; A son, Colin Ray Holtzen and his wife, Tracey of Broken Arrow, Oklahoma; A grandson, Jason Ray Holtzen and his wife, Amanda and great-granddaughter, Quinn, of Bartlesville, Oklahoma.

In lieu of flowers, donations to the American Heart Association would be appreciated.

As for some good news.  Your two little teeth finally broke free, and you love to show them off with your smile.  You love to smile.  You also love to get into everything, and bang your spoon on whatever objects you can find to make music for us.  You still love to talk our ear off.  Sometimes we wake up in the morning, and who knows how long you've been awake, but you're in your room just babbling to yourself happy as can be.  I love you baby girl.  I’m sorry this was such a depressing entry, but that’s what happens in life, which you will figure out soon enough, if you haven’t already.  I hope next month is better for all of us.

Love,

Momma

Nine Months

You've officially been out, as long as you were in.  Time is flying by.  I know I say that every month, but it really is.  Where you were when we brought you home, to where you are now is an amazing leap.  You are a smart and very intelligent (and let’s not forget spoiled) little girl.  Every day I wake up, and the moment I think of you, hear you, or see your smiling face, I am so thankful to have been blessed with such a perfect little angel.

This past month has been full of many things for you.  We just celebrated your first Christmas, which was loads of fun.  I think it was probably more fun for Dad and me, than it was for you, but it was fun either way.  You liked to unwrap your presents, but you loved crinkling the paper more than anything, I am sure.  You got lots and lots of toys, and books to enjoy.  (Daddy also got some stuff to play with you with, but I think he's going to enjoy it more than you do at this point.)  

 

We also took you to see Santa at the mall.  You were OK with him at first, but after a few pictures, he wasn't so cool anymore.

Just a few days ago, you were chewing on my fingers and I felt a sharp little point.  You are finally getting your first tooth!  We've been thinking you were teething for months, but now I think it is finally coming.  You are chewing on everything.  So far, the only thing that seems to actually comfort you is raw carrots.  Sometimes we freeze them and you seem to love it and hate it at the same time.  You love how it feels on your gums, but hate how cold it is on your little hands.

You aren't walking on your own yet, but you love to walk with assistance.  You will walk all around the house, with whoever will take you for an adventure.  You still haven't mastered crawling, but you wiggle around to wherever you need to go, and you usually get there quickly.   You are curious about everything and everyone.  Daddy loves it more than you will ever know.  He is convinced you will be a tinkerer like he is.  You seem to want to discover how things work, already so early in your life.  He put a few toys in a lidded box, and you just wanted to take them out, you didn’t even care what the toy was, you wanted it out of the box, because you knew, they didn't belong in there.  You are also really good at discovering how to get things unstuck, when they get jammed in places that they don't belong.  You are one smart cookie!

Momma and daddy also made a big announcement at Christmas.  You’re going to be a big sister!  I know you are excited, even if you don’t know it yet, because no matter where we go, you love other children.  Bigger or smaller, you love to look at them, and try to play with them.  You will be a great big sister.

It’s about time for everyone to go to bed now, so I will wrap this up.  We’ve had a family-filled fun two weeks, and now that it’s all over, we’re all exhausted.  Grandma Lynn went back to Tucson today, and tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.  I am excited to see what 2013 will bring for you.  I am sure you will have no problem staying up until midnight tomorrow, but I probably will.

I love you more and more every day.

Love,

Momma

Eight Months.

My beautiful, amazing baby girl.  I cannot believe that 8 months has flown by.  You are currently in your bouncer, screaming with joy.  So many things make you happy.  When I look at you, screams of joy.  If the dogs run by you, screams of joy.  Everything is just so wonderful for you; you are so full of happiness and joy.

This last month has been full of firsts for you.  First, we had your first Halloween.  You were a little pink monster, and you were pretty stinkin’ cute!

We also had many new foods this month (bananas, pears, carrots, and avocado), as well as your first Thanksgiving, which, honestly, wasn’t that exciting for you.  It was super exciting for Momma and Daddy though because we got to spend four whole days with you, something we don’t get to do or enjoy often enough.  

You do not like avocado.

Bananas are good...

...and so are carrots!

You also got to witness Daddy’s goofiness on Thanksgiving.  You were not amused.  

Your personality is starting to shine through.  You crack me and dad up every day with your antics.  You love to make us smile, and we love to make you smile.  You’ve just started to wave at people, and you’re pretty good at it.  You started with the finger movement, and not really sure of yourself when you did it, kind of like you were afraid to wave.  Now you get the whole arm going and wave at people excitedly all the time.  Hello, goodbye, it doesn’t matter, you just love to wave!  You babble a lot.  You still only say “Dada” on a regular basis, and sometimes, “nana”.  No “mama” yet, but I’m thinking you’re just holding out until Christmas!

We no longer have a mirror to walk by in our hallway since we moved.  I think this makes you a little sad, and I think you may actually miss the baby in the mirror.  We are working on it though, don’t worry.  I think you are lonely a lot, which makes me really sad.  You have other kids to play with at daycare all day, and I think you tolerate me on weeknights, but on the weekend, if you see a baby on TV, out and about, or even the baby on the diaper box, you always reach for them.  You seem so loving and caring to all babies and children, no matter their size.  You just want someone to hang out with.  Lilly’s mom and I keep talking about play dates, but we still haven’t fully moved in, and our house still smells somewhat funny, so I haven’t really pushed the idea.

Monday you start in a new classroom at daycare.  I’m sad and happy about this.  I am sad because we really like your morning teachers.  We’ve even had one come babysit for us, and she cried when she found out you were leaving her room.  They spend most of your day with you, and you always seem happy to see your morning teachers.  I am happy because we are finally getting away from your afternoon teacher.  I don’t like her because she doesn’t listen to what you need or what I want to happen for you, you only seem to tolerate her too, you never seem overly ecstatic to see her like you do your morning teachers.  Luckily, they are moving Lilly with you, so you two will be together.  You will be with many “older” babies, but I think they are all still under a year, so they are not much older—just developmentally more where you are headed.

You have stopped sleeping through the night, and there is rarely a night where you stay in your crib the entire time.  It’s getting super exhausting, but you seem to be doing better sleeping in our bed, and you don’t need the constant attention that you used to, which kept us up all night long.  It seems like every few hours you are hungry, so hopefully it’s just a growth spurt, and it won’t last forever.  It may also be that you’re lonely, although it’s no different from your room at our other house.  Maybe we need to let the dogs sleep in your room, so you don’t feel so alone.

I took you out a few weekends ago to try to get some good fall pictures of you, but I think you were mad that Daddy wasn’t there, and you weren’t very cooperative.  You ate a bunch of leaves (I think because they were crunchy) and that made you sick, which made it even more difficult for you to want to be there.  Oh well, I tried.

I am super excited for next month because it will be your very first Christmas.  We got you a few presents, so I hope you like them.  This weekend we are supposed to take you to see Santa, so I hope he doesn’t scare you too bad.

I love you so much!

Love,

Momma

Seven Months

Today you are seven months old.  Seven.  Wow.  Over half a year old.  Where is the time going?

 It seems like so much has changed in the last month, but at the same time, not much has changed.  I think we can chalk that up to our super crazy month.  We were all sick off and on for a 3 ½ week period.  If one of us wasn’t sick, the other two were, and at one point we all were.  On top of me and daddy working, daddy going to school, trying to move, things going wrong at both houses putting everything on hold, and leaving us with an uncomfortable place to live, no matter which house we stayed at, the sickness was too much for everyone, and I’m pretty sure we all lost some (or all) of our marbles.  I won’t lie.

You have been difficult this month, but I attribute that to the above statements.  You have been extremely clingy, to the point where I cannot sleep a full night, because you refuse to sleep without being held very closely.  This only applies to nighttime, and you are fine at daycare and into the evenings, but once its bedtime, all bets are off.  You turn into a shrieking, crying, nightmare of a child.  The sad part is no one believes me because you are so good the rest of the time.  Like right now, for instance, you are happily playing on the floor, by yourself, while I write this, and while daddy is working at the other house to get all of our stuff packed.  Come tonight, if we even get you as far as sleeping in your swing (because there is no getting you in your crib right now) you will wake up in 2-3 hours screaming your head off until we take you out and bring you into bed with us.  You may be little, but you manage to take up 50% of the bed, leaving daddy and I hanging off the edges.

At your 6 month check up with the doctors, you weighed 15 ½ lbs.  You are getting to be so big.  It took 3 of us and about 5 minutes of you squirming on the scale to get that weight, and it’s a rough estimate.  That’s the number we all saw the most often, because you were squirming so much, and trying to communicate with everyone around you that the numbers were going crazy.  Everyone commented on how pleasant you were.  You had to get shots, which is always traumatic, but they also threw in a flu shot, which I know was a pain.  Daddy had one a few weeks earlier, and he complained for a week about how much it hurt after the shot.  Wouldn’t you know it, this was also around the time where we “lost” all your medications for a few days, and therefore couldn’t give you relief when you needed it.  You were not so pleasant then.

Your doctor says you need to be on your knees and working towards crawling more, but I haven’t really listened much to that.  You are pretty mobile at this point by army crawling or rolling around and that’s just fine with me.  You want to move your legs, not your arms, and she told me to not let you sit in your bouncy chair, and make you have more floor time.  I say, screw that!  You love your bouncy chair, you love bouncing, and turning around, and playing with all the toys.  I understand that you need to develop, but I was told to basically take away your favorite thing, and only use it in emergencies, like if I had to answer the door, or go to the bathroom, and that’s it.  I think you are developing just fine.  I am not a big fan of doctors right now, or their charts.  All I’ve read is that babies develop on their own, I’m fine with that, and I’m patient.  Hell, most things I’ve read say you should have your first tooth right now, and while you’ve acted like you’re going to have some soon… you’ve been doing it for months.  What are they going to tell me next, that I need to surgically make your teeth come out?  You just take your time, and do what you need to do, kiddo.

We started on solid foods this month.  Well, more solid than the cereal that you’ve been getting in your bottle.  The first thing we tried was some acorn squash.  I steamed it, and pureed it myself and you loved it.  You had it for a few days, and with no reaction.  Next we tried butternut squash.  The doctor said I needed to start to not puree it and mash it with a fork to get you used to chewing.  I took a potato masher, and left some chunks, and you were not thrilled with them, but ate it anyway.  I think you liked the flavor of the acorn squash better, but next time, we are moving on to another food, so let the adventuring begin!

You “talk” more now.  You say dada a lot, and daddy, of course loves it.  Sometimes you say, what sounds like “hi, dada!” and I think that is his favorite.  No momma yet, but we will get there.  We were discussing tonight how you kindly have something for each of us.  I get all the kisses, and no “momma”, and he gets all the “dada” but no kisses.  It’s nice of you to share the love for each of us individually.  Every now and then you will nibble on his nose, just like you used to, when you were hungry, and I think that melts his heart the most

You still love your puppies, and they love you.  You giggle at them whenever they do pretty much anything.  I don’t think Landon can wait until you can actually play with him; he gets so excited when you do, so I know you two will have a great friendship.  Bath time is still pretty much the best thing in your world.  I’m pretty sure that if you didn’t wrinkle up like a little raisin, we could leave you in your tub for hours, just splish-splashin’ away.  You also love to touch faces.  I think you like how each one feels different; you love to squeeze noses until they honk (some people need a little “reminder” that that’s what happens when a nose gets pinched) and squishing cheeks in your fingers.  You love to explore new things. 

Halloween is tomorrow, and I am so excited to dress you up for it.  It is my favorite holiday, so I hope you at least enjoy it a little bit.  You are going to be a pink monster.  I had picked out a frog costume for you last year, before we knew that you were going to be a girl, but I got a 6-9 month size, thinking it would fit you perfect, but you are still in some 0-3 month stuff, and just barely fitting into some 3-6 month stuff, so that was pretty much not going to happen.  You will be adorably cute no matter what though.   I just hope that the costume is comfortable so you can wear it most of the night, so we can show you off it in, and that it doesn’t irritate you too badly.

I love you so much!

 

Love,

Momma