Eleven Months

Well kid, you’re almost all grown up.  This is the last month we can say that you’re “so many months old” you’re rackin’ up your time, and pretty soon we’ll be saying, “She’s a year old,” and then two, and so on.  STOP IT.  Stop growing up on me!

 This month has been a crazy one for us.  We’ve all been sick, and currently are still sick.  Your parents were lucky enough to share bronchitis, while you had some mystery illness that left you with a fever for almost a week, with no discoverable cause.  It’s been fun, let me tell you.  We’ve had two snowstorms that have closed school for you, so you’ve officially had your first two snow days, although they weren’t closed for snow, but for the amount of ice on the roads.  This month we also took our first extended road trip, which was quite interesting. 

We had to travel to Durant, Oklahoma (which is right on the southern border of Oklahoma) for your great-granddad’s funeral, so we figured we’d just do the hop-skip-and-jump over to Dallas, since it was only an hour and a half more.  In theory it worked on the way there, but not so awesome on the way back.  On the way there, we stopped in Durant for 2 days.  We took our sweet time, took as many stops as needed, and it was only about 3-3 ½ hours.  No rush.  We stayed in a hotel the first night, and although you were fussy in the hotel at night, the car ride was smooth.  The next day we had the funeral, which was mid-day, so we packed up, headed to the funeral, hit a few bumps in the road, and ended up leaving for Dallas probably around 6ish.  This car ride was also smooth, because it’s just a little bit longer than the distance; we travel to go to Tulsa.  Our second hotel was not so awesome, but you did great in it, and slept through the night.  Too bad we had obnoxiously loud neighbors the entire night until about 4 am.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  We left the hotel around 9:30, and went shopping at a few places we don’t have in Oklahoma that we missed from Arizona, and had lunch, and were headed back on the road to home.  We couldn’t be as lax on our way back home, because I had to be to work the next day.  You did great (aka slept) for the first few hours, but you made the last few hours double, and we stopped every 20-45 minutes due to your screaming, and just wanting to be out of the car.  I get it, I totally understand, but ugh, I much rather would have had that on the way there when I had a day or two to recuperate than getting home so late on a Sunday, unloading a very unhappy you, the car, having to do laundry, and then get up and go to work the next morning.  We will work on it though.  You really didn’t care about some of the places we went, but we went to IKEA to look for dressers and you loved it there.  You loved the entire store, from the cafeteria when we had breakfast, to the children’s section.  I think it’s just the way the store was made.  You were all smiles all the time.  IKEA makes us happy too.  We ended up buying a whole lot of crap we didn’t need, and not picking up dressers because they wouldn’t fit, but we did find some nice stuff to get eventually… on our next trip to Dallas (haha.)

When I took you to the doctor earlier this week, you were 19 pounds, 7 oz.  You’re almost at the big 2-0!  I’m not really sure what we’re supposed to do at this stage, because when you hit 25 pounds, a lot will change.  We can no longer use your changing table or the changing thing on your playpen, and we can’t use your swing, and I’m sure there’s a few other things we won’t be able to use anymore, and then our world will end.  I’m not sure what will we do without you swing because honestly, we still use it when you’re being super difficult at night, or even during the day, and most of the time it works.  I suppose that’s all part of growing up. 

 You aren’t quite walking yet, but you are getting around quickly.  You’ve started standing and letting go, until you realize that you’ve let go, and then you panic and either fall, or quickly grab on to the nearest thing.  You’re close though, and that’s scary.  I’m not ready for you to be so mobile yet; you’re exhausting enough as it is.  You’ve also started eating more solid foods.  So far, it’s just puffs, and cereal like items, plus some freeze-dried yogurt bites, but you’re getting the hang of it.  I think when you get more teeth it will be a little easier for you.  You really want to try a lot of different things; your little mouth isn’t ready for it yet.  You really gave me the eyes on four different occasions, all when I was eating a pastrami sandwich, so I don’t know if it just looked good, or smelled good or what, but you looked at me like a ravenous animal, and licked your lips for each sandwich I ate.  You constantly try to grab what I’m eating, and sometimes I will give you a little taste, but it’s never been like that.  You are a silly little thing sometimes.

You are still the happiest baby I know.  Tons of things make you happy.  Seeing the dog I think tops everything.  He just exists in your presence, and your world is complete.  You still love baths, and seeing daddy pretty much every time he walks in to the room.  You even know that at night when the phone rings, he is calling for us to come get him from work, and many times, you will talk to him from across the room.  You love to run around in your walker, and it’s giving you an opportunity to bond with the dog as well.  He is getting less skittish with you, and I think that’s in part to you learning that you need to be gentle with him.  You’ve learned that if you stick your hand out, and let him come to you, he will be more patient with you, than if you were to just go up to him.  You love “group hugs”, and if it was possible for you to explode from happiness I think that being in the middle of a group hug with Momma and Daddy, or seeing the dog would do it.  You love to ride on top of Daddy’s shoulders, and you love your newfound freedom of not having to go everywhere in the car seat, because now you can (almost) fit in highchairs at restaurants, and in the carts at the grocery store.  If the weather were nicer, we would probably take you on walks outside more, because you love to ride in the stroller as well.  We still constantly hear what a pleasant and happy baby you are, and you truly are (except in the middle of the night) and I am not sure how we got so lucky to have such a delightful baby.

I love you baby girl.

Love,

Momma

Ten Months.

You are almost a year old, time is whizzing by!  I guess we need to start planning your very first birthday!  Unfortunately, for everyone this month was full of more sadness than happiness.

January 4th you, me, and both the dogs were sitting on the floor one evening.  Everything was going peachy.  You were sitting still for once, not trying to crawl around, or bang on things, and out of nowhere, one of our dogs, Lucy, was on top of you growling.  It happened in a split second.  There was no warning, no provocation, nothing that should have caused this.  Instinct kicked in.  You weren’t hysterical yet, until I stood up to get the dogs in their crates.  That’s when the screaming started.  Things were ok.  I gave you a brief look over, no blood.  Good sign.  Got the dogs in their crates.  You’re still hysterical.  You must have been screaming pretty hard, because once I picked you up, that’s when the blood started flowing.  I realized that Lucy had bit you.  In the face.  That’s when panic kicked in, and instinct was gone.  I didn’t know what to do.  You were hysterical.  I was hysterical.  I had to put you down, because when I called for the voice of reason (Dada) I couldn’t’ hear a thing he said.  It didn’t matter.  According to him, all he got out of me the first few seconds of the call was, “Oh, god, oh god…”  I don’t even remember saying them.  Eventually, I pulled myself together enough to grab your stuff, grab you, head to dad’s work, and get to the emergency room.  Since it was a dog bite, the police were called.  The emergency room took for what seemed like forever.  It was probably only 2 hours, but they were an exhausting 2 hours.  People were constantly in and out of our room.  Police.  Nurses.  Doctors.  Hospital staff.  It seemed like we saw everyone in the hospital that night.  Turned out, it wasn’t so bad.  You didn’t need stitches.  There was no real permanent damage, but there was more damage than I had originally seen.  You could tell where the top of Lucy’s mouth had punctured your skin, and where her bottom teeth had punctured it, which is the part I originally saw.  This was no accident, and Dada was hell-bent on putting Lucy to sleep the next day, which we ended up not being able to do because she was in quarantine for 10 days.

This was almost a week after.

January 7th at about 9:45 in the morning I get a call from daycare, repeatedly telling me that you’re ok, and there’s nothing to worry about because you’re ok… and, and, and…  I seriously just wanted them to spit it out because I got probably a good 3 minutes of “She’s ok but… she’s doing fine… but...  she’s ok…” and on and on.  One of the teachers at daycare wasn’t paying attention, and the other two were busy with other children and so they weren’t paying attention either, so when she opened the door, and you were in front of it… she ran over your poor little chubby hand.  They said you cried, a lot, but eventually napped after a while.  If course you did, you probably wore yourself, out.  When I got to daycare that afternoon, I was furious.  We have continually had issues with them and I cannot wait to have your little brother / sister so that I can stay home with you two, and take care of you on my terms, and not have all these issues to deal with anymore.  Your hand didn’t seem to both you too much, so it probably looked a lot worse than it was (Dada thought it may have been broken upon his first inspection) but it never seemed to stop you from getting into everything, and using it as you would have any other time.

It was actually bruised a lot worse than it looks here.
This was taken 3 days later.

January 9th was my 30th birthday.  The majority of people I know forgot it, which made a hard week, even harder.  I pretty much snapped when I got home, and started crying, and couldn’t stop.  When your dad got home, we talked more about Lucy, and your Uncle Jacob had offered to take her, so I was more than thrilled at that prospect.  Not only did we not have to put her down, but she was going to a home where she could still be a part of our lives.  Yay!

January 20th was the day that Jacob was supposed to take Lucy.  He ended up not being able to do it.  A little devastating, but we thought we had found another alternative, someone that could take her, work with her, and place her with a good family, with no children.

January 22nd you were in your walker, which is in front of the dog’s crates, out of nowhere, Lucy starts growling, and lunging at you.  This upset you, understandably.  And we realized we really needed to move on the whole rehoming Lucy thing, but we still hadn’t heard from the one person we were able to find in our area.

January 23rd we saw your doctor for you 9-month appointment.  (On time, I know, get used to doctors pushing you around, you’re at their mercy, and they can move your appointments around so far that you’re being seen at almost 10 months old for your 9-month appointment.)  You are right on course for being a healthy growing girl!  You were 19 pounds and 6 ½ ounces.  You measured in at 27 ½” (which is a little over two feet!)

Happy girl!

January 24th at 3 am you woke up for your middle-of-the-night bottle, and almost immediately, didn’t keep it down.  Some nasty bugs have been going around, so we decided to keep you home.  Dada stayed with you, and you kept that up pretty much all day.  The next day, you still hadn’t kept anything down (formula, food, or water) and you were grumpy because you were hungry, but then you’d throw it all up, and that upset you too.  So after trying to get an appointment with your doctor, and being unsuccessful, we took you to the emergency room.  We were there for three agonizing hours.  You were still hungry, and they didn’t provide us with any answers until the very end.  You didn’t have the flu, which was good, but you did have a viral infection, which they can’t give you anything for, which was awful.  They did give you a prescription for something to keep you from throwing up, and put you on a Pedialyte diet for at least a day.  You were so happy to have something in your tummy; you sucked it down every time we gave it to you.  That night, when Dada went to feed the dogs, Lucy snapped at him, and we decided, with very heavy hearts, that it was finally time to let her go.  She was getting worse.  We didn’t know why, or how, or even when it really started, but it was time to say goodbye.

Poor, sick, little ER baby.

January 26th at 8:28 am, I called the vet to make an appointment.  They could get us in at 11:30, and they would accommodate our requests for Lucy’s final moments.  Uncle Jacob came over to watch you while we took Lucy and Landon to the vet.  They got to play a little bit before we left, and then we headed out the door.  My feet felt like lead.  It hurt to even move to get to the car.  But it was something that had to be done.  She was a danger to you, and a growing danger to others around her.  We got her into the vet, and when the time came, Dada was in a lot of pain, and could barely bring himself to bring her to the room.  We had a few moments to say goodbye, and then they put her to sleep.  It was a painless thing, but incredibly painful at the same time.  Lucy felt no pain as she passed.  But we felt the world come crashing down on us.  Landon was also in the room, and he got a chance to say his goodbyes to her as well.  It has been a few rough few days, and without your smiling little face, I don’t know how any of us could have made it through this extremely difficult time.  Although she hurt you, and we love you with all our hearts, we also loved her.  We had her for over 5 years, and she was a huge part of our lives, and family.  I hope that someday you will have a pet that you love and cherish as much as we did Lucy, and do Landon, and that you can understand how much joy they bring us.

Lucy loved you, and you loved her.

January 29th, the month of terrible happenings was almost over.  We were looking for a fresh start.  Unfortunately, one more bad thing had to happen.  Your Great-Grandfather, Ray, passed away late on the 29th.  Unfortunately, you never had the chance to meet in person, but he was a wonderful man.  We all had a chance to Skype for his 90th birthday, so you did get to see him once, but you won’t remember.

Raymond Leroy Holtzen died 1/29/2013 in Marble Falls, Texas. He was born 10/7/1922 in Fairmont, Oklahoma as the youngest of 13 children of John and Margaretha Holtzen.

Raymond served proudly in World War II in Europe with the U.S. First Army Signal Corp. He met Jean Betty Duncan in England during the war and they were married by proxy 9/22/1945 and in the church on 8/9/1946.

Raymond worked as a Construction Supervisor of numerous soil conservation dams in Oklahoma.

Upon retirement Raymond and Betty moved to Lake Texoma. They were members of the Our Savior's Lutheran Church in Durant, Oklahoma,.

They enjoyed arts and crafts and traveled to many craft fairs selling their handmade wooden toys and crafts.

Raymond moved to Marble Falls, Texas in 2012 to be closer to his daughter Jeannette Wilson.

Raymond was predeceased by his wife, Betty and a son, David Lee Holtzen.

He is survived by a daughter, Jeannette H. Wilson and her husband, Jim of Marble Falls, Texas; A son, Colin Ray Holtzen and his wife, Tracey of Broken Arrow, Oklahoma; A grandson, Jason Ray Holtzen and his wife, Amanda and great-granddaughter, Quinn, of Bartlesville, Oklahoma.

In lieu of flowers, donations to the American Heart Association would be appreciated.

As for some good news.  Your two little teeth finally broke free, and you love to show them off with your smile.  You love to smile.  You also love to get into everything, and bang your spoon on whatever objects you can find to make music for us.  You still love to talk our ear off.  Sometimes we wake up in the morning, and who knows how long you've been awake, but you're in your room just babbling to yourself happy as can be.  I love you baby girl.  I’m sorry this was such a depressing entry, but that’s what happens in life, which you will figure out soon enough, if you haven’t already.  I hope next month is better for all of us.

Love,

Momma

Why do I cry?

Why do I cry, and seem like a bitch on this day: January 9, 2013?  Let me tell you.  I don’t even know where to begin.  I cry because at 9 days in, it’s been a horrible year, and I can’t wait for it to be over.  Nine days in.  I cry because I come home from work, and I take my dogs out.  I have to take my dogs out one by one, because they can no longer be together, despite the fact that they are the best of friends.  I cry when I take the first one out because he has no idea of the heartache and loss he will soon feel; it will blindside him, and my heart aches for him.  I cry when I take the second one out because it is due to her actions that she is quarantined.  It is because we were all sitting on the floor Friday night, and at 6:48 pm she decided to lunge and bite my daughter on the head, for no apparent reason.  My world stopped at that very moment.  I cry because while she has to be quarantined, since she is ours, and bit our daughter, we at least get to keep her for the 10 days that she is stuck in this hell.  I cry because the moment he heard what happened, my husband condemned her to death.  I cry because she is so vibrant, and full of life, and I have a week left with her, and she has no idea what is about to hit her, and it’s all at our own hands, and it was all so random, so out of character.  I cry because my daughter so desperately wants to play with her puppies, and I cannot let her, despite the fact that she reaches out and joyfully screams for them.  I cry because today was my 30 birthday, and while I feared 30 would be horrible, I had no idea how horrible it would be.  Not only have I been trying to get through day to day without making a scene, I then have to deal with this.  I wake up next to my husband, no words.  I am dropped off at work, no words.  I greet him, and take him to work a few hours later, no words.  At 1:13 in the afternoon, I get a call, “I forgot to tell you something important this morning,” he says.  “I know,” I say, almost at the verge of tears, but I am at work, so I fight it off.  After some conversation these exact words come out of his mouth, “I didn't realize it was today until a little bit ago.”  My own husband.  The man I married.  I got a Happy Birthday from 1 friend, 1 parent, 1 sibling, and eventually 1 husband.  Because my year has not already been rough enough, I get to sit at home, forgotten by those who would be hurt should the same happen to them, with my dog who is on death row, my dog who is being punished for something he didn't do, and my daughter, who has no ideas about the cruel world she lives in.  So yes, I cry.  Yes, I was a bitch today.  No, I don’t care.  No, I don’t want anyone to make it up to me.  There is no making it up.  Just leave me alone at this point, and let me cry.

Nine Months

You've officially been out, as long as you were in.  Time is flying by.  I know I say that every month, but it really is.  Where you were when we brought you home, to where you are now is an amazing leap.  You are a smart and very intelligent (and let’s not forget spoiled) little girl.  Every day I wake up, and the moment I think of you, hear you, or see your smiling face, I am so thankful to have been blessed with such a perfect little angel.

This past month has been full of many things for you.  We just celebrated your first Christmas, which was loads of fun.  I think it was probably more fun for Dad and me, than it was for you, but it was fun either way.  You liked to unwrap your presents, but you loved crinkling the paper more than anything, I am sure.  You got lots and lots of toys, and books to enjoy.  (Daddy also got some stuff to play with you with, but I think he's going to enjoy it more than you do at this point.)  

 

We also took you to see Santa at the mall.  You were OK with him at first, but after a few pictures, he wasn't so cool anymore.

Just a few days ago, you were chewing on my fingers and I felt a sharp little point.  You are finally getting your first tooth!  We've been thinking you were teething for months, but now I think it is finally coming.  You are chewing on everything.  So far, the only thing that seems to actually comfort you is raw carrots.  Sometimes we freeze them and you seem to love it and hate it at the same time.  You love how it feels on your gums, but hate how cold it is on your little hands.

You aren't walking on your own yet, but you love to walk with assistance.  You will walk all around the house, with whoever will take you for an adventure.  You still haven't mastered crawling, but you wiggle around to wherever you need to go, and you usually get there quickly.   You are curious about everything and everyone.  Daddy loves it more than you will ever know.  He is convinced you will be a tinkerer like he is.  You seem to want to discover how things work, already so early in your life.  He put a few toys in a lidded box, and you just wanted to take them out, you didn’t even care what the toy was, you wanted it out of the box, because you knew, they didn't belong in there.  You are also really good at discovering how to get things unstuck, when they get jammed in places that they don't belong.  You are one smart cookie!

Momma and daddy also made a big announcement at Christmas.  You’re going to be a big sister!  I know you are excited, even if you don’t know it yet, because no matter where we go, you love other children.  Bigger or smaller, you love to look at them, and try to play with them.  You will be a great big sister.

It’s about time for everyone to go to bed now, so I will wrap this up.  We’ve had a family-filled fun two weeks, and now that it’s all over, we’re all exhausted.  Grandma Lynn went back to Tucson today, and tomorrow is New Year’s Eve.  I am excited to see what 2013 will bring for you.  I am sure you will have no problem staying up until midnight tomorrow, but I probably will.

I love you more and more every day.

Love,

Momma

Eight Months.

My beautiful, amazing baby girl.  I cannot believe that 8 months has flown by.  You are currently in your bouncer, screaming with joy.  So many things make you happy.  When I look at you, screams of joy.  If the dogs run by you, screams of joy.  Everything is just so wonderful for you; you are so full of happiness and joy.

This last month has been full of firsts for you.  First, we had your first Halloween.  You were a little pink monster, and you were pretty stinkin’ cute!

We also had many new foods this month (bananas, pears, carrots, and avocado), as well as your first Thanksgiving, which, honestly, wasn’t that exciting for you.  It was super exciting for Momma and Daddy though because we got to spend four whole days with you, something we don’t get to do or enjoy often enough.  

You do not like avocado.

Bananas are good...

...and so are carrots!

You also got to witness Daddy’s goofiness on Thanksgiving.  You were not amused.  

Your personality is starting to shine through.  You crack me and dad up every day with your antics.  You love to make us smile, and we love to make you smile.  You’ve just started to wave at people, and you’re pretty good at it.  You started with the finger movement, and not really sure of yourself when you did it, kind of like you were afraid to wave.  Now you get the whole arm going and wave at people excitedly all the time.  Hello, goodbye, it doesn’t matter, you just love to wave!  You babble a lot.  You still only say “Dada” on a regular basis, and sometimes, “nana”.  No “mama” yet, but I’m thinking you’re just holding out until Christmas!

We no longer have a mirror to walk by in our hallway since we moved.  I think this makes you a little sad, and I think you may actually miss the baby in the mirror.  We are working on it though, don’t worry.  I think you are lonely a lot, which makes me really sad.  You have other kids to play with at daycare all day, and I think you tolerate me on weeknights, but on the weekend, if you see a baby on TV, out and about, or even the baby on the diaper box, you always reach for them.  You seem so loving and caring to all babies and children, no matter their size.  You just want someone to hang out with.  Lilly’s mom and I keep talking about play dates, but we still haven’t fully moved in, and our house still smells somewhat funny, so I haven’t really pushed the idea.

Monday you start in a new classroom at daycare.  I’m sad and happy about this.  I am sad because we really like your morning teachers.  We’ve even had one come babysit for us, and she cried when she found out you were leaving her room.  They spend most of your day with you, and you always seem happy to see your morning teachers.  I am happy because we are finally getting away from your afternoon teacher.  I don’t like her because she doesn’t listen to what you need or what I want to happen for you, you only seem to tolerate her too, you never seem overly ecstatic to see her like you do your morning teachers.  Luckily, they are moving Lilly with you, so you two will be together.  You will be with many “older” babies, but I think they are all still under a year, so they are not much older—just developmentally more where you are headed.

You have stopped sleeping through the night, and there is rarely a night where you stay in your crib the entire time.  It’s getting super exhausting, but you seem to be doing better sleeping in our bed, and you don’t need the constant attention that you used to, which kept us up all night long.  It seems like every few hours you are hungry, so hopefully it’s just a growth spurt, and it won’t last forever.  It may also be that you’re lonely, although it’s no different from your room at our other house.  Maybe we need to let the dogs sleep in your room, so you don’t feel so alone.

I took you out a few weekends ago to try to get some good fall pictures of you, but I think you were mad that Daddy wasn’t there, and you weren’t very cooperative.  You ate a bunch of leaves (I think because they were crunchy) and that made you sick, which made it even more difficult for you to want to be there.  Oh well, I tried.

I am super excited for next month because it will be your very first Christmas.  We got you a few presents, so I hope you like them.  This weekend we are supposed to take you to see Santa, so I hope he doesn’t scare you too bad.

I love you so much!

Love,

Momma