Two Months

Today you are two months old.  Two months.  Sixty days.  Time has flown by.  Really fast.  I didn’t get to do this for your first month of life because honestly, you wore me out.  You wore everyone out.  You are an amazing little girl.

The first few days you were home you and I had some issues to work out that were pretty rough sailing, and almost landed you in the hospital.  You lost over 10% of your body weight in 3 days because you weren’t eating right, and I wasn’t feeding you right.  It was a really rough time for everyone.  You were hungry, I was stressed, and sad that I was screwing up already, and daddy didn’t know how to handle either one of us crying.  I suffered through a little bit (ok, a lot) of post-partum depression in your first two months, but I think that first week and this last weekend were the hardest.  For 9 months, you were all mine, and I didn’t have to share you with anyone if I didn’t want to, and then, here you were, and everyone wanted everything to do with you, all the time.  It was really hard.  Not that I have a problem sharing you, especially when you need your diaper changed, it was just so overwhelming.  After two weeks straight of doctor’s appointments, and in and out of the hospital to check to make sure you were eating right, and gaining weight, we were free!  (Which helped the stress level a ton.  You may be tiny, but you take forever to get ready.)

Last week I got sick with some random illness that put us in the ER at about 5 am.  I had a fever of 104° and some mystery illness that they couldn't tell me what it was, so they gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way.  I was told to stay in bed until I got better, which is hard to do with you around, especially with daddy's sleep schedule.  He stayed up as long as possible, but we were both exhausted, and you could not be pleased for almost 3 days.  On Saturday night was the worst.  I was finally starting to feel better, and I had no fever that day, but you must have been sick yourself, because nothing could make you feel better.  I mean nothing.  You were awake for almost 17 hours straight, with naps that never lasted more than 30 minutes or so here and there.  No amount of food satisfied you, and we ended up having to give you formula (which killed me) because of my being sick, I couldn’t make enough milk for you, and you went through what we had frozen as back up pretty fast.  The formula satisfied you for about 30 minutes, and you were gurgling away in your crib when I heard a weird noise.  I went to check on you, and saw that you were covered in (what I though) was the entire contents of your stomach.  I was wrong.  I picked you up, started to clean and change you, and more came out.  This time not only were you vomiting, but it was coming out your nose too.  You were not happy, and we were scared.  We didn’t know what to do.  After we stripped you of your clothes, you started vomiting again, and you were even more upset.  We got you into your little bathtub and cleaned you off, but you were still hungry, and still very upset.  Being that I was coming off of an illness, sleep deprived, and now completely not able to provide for you with my own milk, much less formula, I had another breakdown, and just sobbed for hours.  Your dad was super though, again.  After you finally went to sleep at 6 am, you stayed down.  Your dad went to the store and bought something to help your little tummy out, and when you woke up at 10, it seemed to do wonders, and you were our sweet little baby, who was happy again.  We all slept until about 5 pm that day, but it was still a rough patch that we all had to suffer through.

On to the good stuff!

Your Grandma Lynn came to visit for almost your entire first month of life.  She was a big help in many ways.  She also (of course) fell in love with you the first moment she saw you, and who wouldn’t you’re freakin’ adorable!  I was really sad when she left, because you will never know how much your mom loves you until you have a child of your own.  It’s as simple as that.  You will never know.  You will also not realize how much you will always need your mom, until you have your own child either.  It was really hard for me when she left.  She also made your super-cool skull and crossbones diaper bag for you.  You may not like skulls and crossbones when you’re older, but I made your dad a promise when we found out that you were a girl that he could pick out the fabric for your diaper bag, as long as he would carry it around.  Much to our delight, we found something manly, the skulls and crossbones, yet girly, the crossbones are pink, so we all won on that one.  We always get looks for it, but its unique, it’s us, and it was custom, so no one else will ever have anything like it.  She also sent some of my old stuff from when I was a little girl.  It’s pretty surreal to see you using outfits that I once fit into, or seeing sheets that I remember, and using hangers to hang your tiny little outfits that I remember using on my own clothes.

Physically you’ve grown.  When you were born you were 6.56 pounds, and as of last week, you were up to 8.85 pounds, I don’t know how long you are, and you still don’t fit into a lot of your newborn stuff (even at two months) but now you really don’t fit into stuff.  Your little body is so long that many of your clothes are too small lengthwise, and super baggy widthwise.  You are not a chubby baby at all.  You are a string bean just like your dad, which is ok, and you will appreciate it later in life.  It is just so hard to clothe you though because it’s hard to get anything that fits.  It would be easy if we could just do two-piece combos, but again, most pants don’t fit you and you look like you belong in a weight loss commercial.  People who don’t see you every day tell us how much you’ve changed too.  We can’t really see it until we look back at pictures of you in your first weeks.  You still have a ton of hair, which is great!  You were born with a full head of hair, and everyone told me that you would probably lose a lot of it, but it hasn’t happened yet.  It has gotten a little lighter, but it is still a dark brown.  The top and back of your head is pretty long, long enough for us to put it in a mohawk, and I’m sure if we tried hard enough, and put you through enough torture, we could put it into several little pony tails, but the sides are pretty short and fuzzy.  At least you won’t be bald for the first year of your life.

I’ve had my first mother’s day, which was amazing.  It’s such a simple day, but it meant so much.  Your dad, let me sleep in, and booby-trapped you on the couch so that he would be the first to hear if you cried, and then he brought me breakfast in bed.  After breakfast, you and I pretty much napped on and off through the day cuddled up on the couch.  I loved every minute of it.

Right now your dad works kind of a crappy shift.  He works midnight to 9 am Monday through Friday, and then sleeps through the day usually until 5 or 6 pm.  He misses you a lot, and gets sad when I tell him some of the fun discoveries you have throughout the day.  I just want you to know that he’s doing it all for you.  He doesn’t like missing parts of your life, but this is the best paying job he’s ever had, and hopefully he will be permanent soon, and then I won’t have to go back to work, which means you won’t have to be put in daycare.  He loves when you smile at him, and he is already wrapped around your little finger.  He loves it when you cuddle with him in bed, and fall asleep on his chest, but you’ve stopped doing that as frequently as you used to.

We’re already starting to miss little things you did just last week because you are growing up so fast.  You are starting to communicate with us all the time with gurgles and coos that melt your heart.  You used to say “Oooh” out of nowhere, and it was very cute, but you’ve pretty much moved past that point in your communication and say many other things now.  I loved it so much, and I have tried countless times to record it, but you never do it when I’m ready.  I guess it’s just a part of you growing up.  Sometimes when you cry in your crib, and I come to get you, you stop crying and you smile at me.  That is the best part of my day.  You smile and laugh a lot now.  You still sleep a lot during the day, but most of the time when you’re awake, and not telling me that you’re hungry or you need a diaper change that is what you are doing.  You love colors and motion.  Your Great-Aunt Jeanette got you this amazing swing.  It rocks in three different directions, has music, and a moving mobile.  You love your swing, you always get lost in the colors and movement of it all.  We recently got you a mobile that also moves, has music and lights up with a little moving picture show type thing.  You love that too.  Sometimes you just sit in your crib, laugh, and gurgle at the moving parts and pictures.  You also love the music.  Sometimes you scream at the top of your lungs if the music isn’t on anymore, and as soon as it is, you calm down.  It’s good and bad for us.  Good because you love it so much, and it is so easy to please you, but your dad and I are really sick of hearing the same four songs over, and over, day in and day out.  You do like listening to the radio, but not as much as your swing and mobile.

Right now your favorite games to play are, what dad lovingly calls “Om nom nom, ptuah”, which is where you beg and beg and beg for your pacifier, you take a few sucks, and then you spit it out onto the floor and then smile when we complain about it; the other is kicking the blanket off.  You hate to be restricted.  You kicked the crap out of me in the womb, and now I know why.  You love your space.  You hate being swaddled or covered in anyway.  I don’t think you ever really like having clothes on.  No matter what though, if you have a blanket on you, you always find a way to kick it off, even if you’re wrapped up in it.  Being naked is one of your happiest times.  When we are changing your diaper, you are always so thrilled at the freedom and usually you raise your arms, and kick your legs and laugh.  You also love baths.  You don’t love after the bath though because we wrap you in a towel to keep you warm (which you hate) and if we try to let you air-dry, you shiver (which you also hate.)

You are such an amazing little being; it’s hard to believe that we made you, because you are so perfect for us.  We love you so much!

Love, 

Momma